What The F@#$ Are They Advertising Friday. Now on Tuesday

Is it a) Organic Yoghurt with a blackberry swirl?
       b) Hair dye?
       c) Suzanne Grae's new autumn/winter collection?

And the answer is - c.

I hate this type of advertising. I mean what is the point? Could it be lazier? They might as well have just printed "berry coloured clothes on attractive woman" in a square and left it at that for the amount it inspires me to purchase their product.

And it's not just the ad all itself. There was a process behind the creation of the ad. People thought about it. And this was what they came up with.

A group of people who know their product went to a group of people who know advertising and out of what I assume was at least a couple of ideas they all decided to go with the above. Because...? It was Thursday afternoon before a long weekend? I don't know.

Any one want to buy my advertising concepts? I tell you what, I'll give you some for free.

For jewellery. An attractive, Caucasian, brunette woman looks out at the audience her left hand lightly supporting her chin. On her finger is a big ring.

For indoor paint.  An attractive, Caucasian, brunette woman looks out at the audience her left hand lightly supporting her chin. The wall behind her is painted in a shade of, I don't know, is berry even a colour all on its own?

And wait for it. This last one is the best!

For chocolate. An attractive, Caucasian, brunette woman looks out at the audience her left hand lightly supporting her chin. On her nose is a dab of chocolate!!! How's that? How's that? Genius is how that was! Because I am that good. 

Cinema advertising

This is what Val Morgan says about cinema advertising - 

This what I say - 

I went to the movies last weekend and I sat through half an hour - half a freaking hour - of ads. This was before previews as well. Half.an.hour. And do you know what my favourite one was? Me neither. Because I can't remember any of them. Because after I watched them I sat through a 2 hour film which was more than enough time to forget an ad that I had watched once.

Even if, sitting in the dark with my popcorn, I thought "yes, Diego's House of Taco's does look like a fiesta filled evening of food and frivolity" by the time I get out of the movie I'm going to go back to my standard sushi place because I'm not going to remember the ad.

For what it's worth James Bond was still wearing an Omega watch, every one was drinking Coke and Q had a very cool Scrabble mug. Impressions created by repeated product placement over 2 hours FTW!

Citroen DS4

We are Yes Men
Are we? We must be. The ad just said so. Hang on, I'm a woman. No, I'm sure that doesn't matter. Yes, we are yes men! 
Can you work on Sunday? Yes Boss.
Oooh. I don't want to work on a Sunday. Look at that smug, greedy boss. Being a Yes Man is bad!
Can you go shopping with me? Yes Darling.
I don't mind going shopping with you. Hang on, why did I call you darling? Am I a lesbian now? Wow, I'm a lesbian and I seem to have a pretty Hot Girlfriend. How am I going to tell my parents? And my husband? Awkward. Wait a minute. She's got a credit card in the name of "Mr Yes Man". Is that my credit card? Have I had a sex change as well? This seems like a lot of work to keep my Hot Girlfriend happy. I hope she's worth it. 
What do you want?
I think I'd like to not have had a sex change operation any more. I'm not sure she's a keeper.
Love? Sure. Money? Ok. Power? Why not?
How many yesses did you just say?
Well, none. But I guess, in effect three. Is that bad? Is that why I'm a yes man? I don't want to be a yes man any more. I want to say 'No!'. Let me say 'Noooooo!'
Let's repeat together. I am a yes man!
Oooh, now I'm just waiting for a chance to say 'No!' to some thing. I am so keen to say 'No!' Just you watch me!
In your life all you do is say yes.
That's true! Stuff you Mr Boss and Hot Girlfriend. I'm about to say 'No!'
But have you ever tried to say no?
Yes! I mean, no! Wait, is this a trick question?
(Picture of a car. Music plays over mumbled line of script)
No! No! You can keep your stupid car! You can't fool me Citroen DS4! I am no longer a Yes Man! I have thrown off my chains. I am free! I WILL NOT BUY THAT CAR!
Ad Ends
Oh. ... What? 
(Carefully re-listens to voice over at the end)
Mmph Mmph Conformity
What? (Re-listens again)
Mmph Mmph Conformity
I cannot make that out. Argh. Annoying (finds similar American version of the ad on You Tube)
Mmph Mmph Conformity
Dagnamit! I still can't make out that line! This ad is harder work than my Hot Girlfriend! Where is she any way? Probably off buying shoes with my credit card. Serves me right for dating a stereotype. (finds similar UK ad on You Tube)
Say no to conformity
Oh ok. That makes sense. We will all say 'No!' to conformity! (Is any one else having Life of Brian flash backs?)
Discover a car that resembles no other.
Seriously? We are looking at the same car right? It looks exactly like every other car I have ever seen. Wheels? Check. Doors? Check. Windscreen? Check. It's a car.
Citroen DS4
Sorry, Citroen DS4 but you have just spent 45 secs preping me to to be ultra critical of the hype. You wanted me to say 'No!' and now am I am. Your car is just a car.
Citroen Creative Technology
And fairly crappy ads.

Dear Dawn

Dear Ms French,

First of all, may I say - I love you. Really. For many years of my adolescence I wanted to be you. I was vaguely aware of you while I was growing up - having parents who loved English comedy, but I never really knew who you were until the Vicar of Dibley. I was an over weight 15 year old with dreams of working in the theatre and there you were. Smart, sexy, larger than life and the star of the show. And married to a hot comedian! My friends were dreaming of being Elle Macpherson. I just wanted straight, black hair cut in a bob and an English accent.

No.

Yes!

(I'm sure Ms. Macpherson is a lovely woman by the way.)

So I tried to be glad to see you in the Coles ad. I wanted to be pleased you were on Australian television and raising your profile here once more. But honestly, I'm struggling.

The Coles jingle is so inane and repetitive that the very sound of it makes my hackles rise and even you talking over the top does nothing to help.

Okay, jingle aside this ad has its own charm.

Although I don't think Curtis realises how lucky he is to be felt up by DAWN FRENCH for heaven's sake. Maybe he's playing hard to get.

But you know the ad that has really ruined this series of ads for me? The ad that has left me with a bad taste in my mouth ever since it was first aired? It's this ad.

"Now hold on a minute," I hear you say, Ms French (with your delightful accent), "I'm not even in that ad! That's hardly fair." And I know. IknowIknowIknow but... I can't help it and honest to goodness I don't think it's my fault.

A company runs an ad in the hopes that the ad will create some sort of impression about the company or its product in the mind of the viewer. And they did create an impression. They're fucking idiots. Is singing in tune not fashionable any more? Did the Kindergarten teacher who threw together their choreography get her class to make the big, red hands as well? This ad was soooo bad it has ruined any ad that was destined to come after it. 

It's like - you know when one night you have a dodgy kebab, and you kind of know it's dodgy even while you're eating it but you figure 'what the hey' and eat it any way and then you spend three days violently vomiting your guts up until all your left with is greenish bile dripping out of your mouth as you weakly hold on to the toilet bowl like it was some sort of life preserver and you can't eat another kebab for like, six years because even the smell makes you retch? Yeah. That's why I don't like the new Coles ad.

This makes me think "Mmm, chocolate orange."

This makes me not want to watch The Vicar of Dibley.

So Ms. French, I hope that you are not offended by my rant. It's really not about you. Coles ruined its advertising credibility and they are asking you to pick up the pieces. In a few months they will have moved on and you will be on your fabulous way. Here's to that day.

With best wishes and much love,

Bek.

Why is this campaign so good?

If you are the type of person who gets teary over the animals in the Optus ad you might want to get your self a tissue before watching this -

Of all the car safety campaigns I have seen this is the one that stays with me. But why? There's no blood, no gore, no dire predictions of injury - there isn't even a car.

I think it's effective because it stays away from two emotions that most safety campaigns are built around - fear and guilt.  People don't like to experience fear or guilt so we push those emotions away - along with the message of the ad. We chose to believe we are bullet proof and so the predictions of horrible consequences are lost on us.
And okay, let's be honest here - in a way those 'you will kill or horribly injure yourself'' messages are kind of untrue. Not untrue in that they are a lie but untrue in that they aren't true all the time. You don't instantly crash and die because you aren't wearing a belt and the more people get away with it the more bullet proof they feel.
This campaign hits us where we live - literally as it's set in a living room. The ad doesn't say 'you will hurt yourself' or 'you will hurt some one else' or even 'you will make a hell of a mess when you hit the pavement'. All it is saying that if we were in a crash the people who love us what chose to protect us if they could. It is saying we are loved. *sniff*

Why you should never say 'moo la la'. Ever.

Once upon a time there was an annoying ad. It was for Budget Direct Car Insurance. Although the ad was dull and it featured a woman with a 'French' accent saying 'moolala' as if it were an actual French word, people watched it believing that, like all ads, it would have its time and then be forgotten. 

What they didn't know was that this ad was a pregnant ad. It was an ad that was going to crawl inside our television sets and spawn lots of other similar ads even more irritating than itself.

And now there was singing involved. And puns. I've mentioned puns.

Although it seemed there may have been some cracks developing in Michael and Michelle's relationship.

I wonder if she'll tell Michael?

Mmm. Maybe they will be ads from a broken home soon?

When I asked some friends which ad was their least favourite a few spontaneously started singing "boojay boojay" while every one in hearing distance yelled "I hate that ad." For a minute it was like being trapped in the crappiest musical of all time. Or a Glee episode.

I know lots of people who remember these ads but I don't know any one who likes them. I do get it. The song is an ear worm even if it's not enjoyable. The characters are memorable even if they're not interesting. And if there's no such thing as bad press then there's no such thing as a bad, memorable ad. But surely it's better to make an ad that is both memorable and creates positive feelings towards the service or the product?

Cheers. Bek

What the F@#$ are they advertising Friday (Now on Sunday)

What is this an ad for?

Back cover (2007 October) Super Food Ideas

Is it

 a) An ad for a body exfoliant?

 b) An ad for dried cranberries?

 c) An ad for coffee?

It's...

b) And ad for dried cranberries. Obviously.

WTF my friends, WTF? 

Cheers, Bek.